Thursday, September 29, 2011
Evidently there ARE limits
I guess there are limits to how much one can grow and change. I feel overwhelmed, stretched, weary, and beaten. I set out with hope and confidence two weeks ago that I could set some goals in regards to getting ready
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Is Blood thicker than water?
Medical science says "yes". Blood is made up of all kinds of substances: Red blood cells, platelets, white blood cells, plasma, and water.
The colloquial cliche (blood is thicker than water) doesn't seem to ring as true for me, at least not all the time. The cliche: "we hurt those we love the most" seems to be a better fit in many of my life experiences.
Extended family (blood) seems to try to take advantage of each other at every opportunity. I wish I could say that I had only seen this in my family, but in many families, the older prey on the younger, and the stronger family member preys on the weaker, and the concept of family is destroyed by a kind of Civil War.
Many of us wander like wounded weary civil war veterans, searching for peace, trying to find the family we were so proud of in our youth. All that remains of that pretty picture is shattered fragments of an illusion which we once thought was real. We were young and we didn't look too deep into things.
I managed to get far enough away, so as not to be percieved as a threat, so I am able to maintain a shaky, tentative peace with my parents. They call if someone dies, but otherwise they are the North and I am the South, except in my history I rebelled, broke away and became my own country. I wanted to live life differently than their religious zeal would allow. So, I live as a pariah from my parents. They only tolerate me to be able spend time with my daughter, which grates on me.
Perhaps blood is thicker than water overall, even if it doesn't seem to be to them. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I keep allowing communication with the grandkids. So, at least to me blood is thicker than water.
I was raised to be smart, religious, legalistic, and judgemental. I am gracious, accepting, moderate, and intelligent. Obviously, what was done turned out decent.
I guess they are standing by the window waiting for the prodigal to come home, the same way I am. Waiting is my last resort, whereas it seems to be their only option.
Back to the original question: In regards to our children, this statement does ring true. The more I try to be a 'father' to my step daughter the more I become the typical step father- aloof, firm, and insensitive. Whereas with my 'birth children' a balance of firm and fair seems to come naturally most of the time.
I am realizing that the only way to achieve balance with my step-daughter is through the guidance of my soul mate which is her 'birth-mother'.
Blended family life has many lessons to teach. That "blood is thicker than water" is only one of them.
My parents treat complete strangers better than they treat me for some reason. I am not upset or offended at this truth, just curious and confused. I look at my children and wonder at what point I will consider "cutting my losses" and pulling out my investment in their life. If they do illegal drugs? If they get drunk? If they murder someone? If they get a DUI? If they steal money from me? I do see that these actions might require some different boundaries be set.
Hopefully never, hopefully I never see my time to help them in life has come to an end. Yet, I haven't done these things and my parents have gone silent. This is why I say I am curious.
The colloquial cliche (blood is thicker than water) doesn't seem to ring as true for me, at least not all the time. The cliche: "we hurt those we love the most" seems to be a better fit in many of my life experiences.
Extended family (blood) seems to try to take advantage of each other at every opportunity. I wish I could say that I had only seen this in my family, but in many families, the older prey on the younger, and the stronger family member preys on the weaker, and the concept of family is destroyed by a kind of Civil War.
Many of us wander like wounded weary civil war veterans, searching for peace, trying to find the family we were so proud of in our youth. All that remains of that pretty picture is shattered fragments of an illusion which we once thought was real. We were young and we didn't look too deep into things.
I managed to get far enough away, so as not to be percieved as a threat, so I am able to maintain a shaky, tentative peace with my parents. They call if someone dies, but otherwise they are the North and I am the South, except in my history I rebelled, broke away and became my own country. I wanted to live life differently than their religious zeal would allow. So, I live as a pariah from my parents. They only tolerate me to be able spend time with my daughter, which grates on me.
Perhaps blood is thicker than water overall, even if it doesn't seem to be to them. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I keep allowing communication with the grandkids. So, at least to me blood is thicker than water.
I was raised to be smart, religious, legalistic, and judgemental. I am gracious, accepting, moderate, and intelligent. Obviously, what was done turned out decent.
I guess they are standing by the window waiting for the prodigal to come home, the same way I am. Waiting is my last resort, whereas it seems to be their only option.
Back to the original question: In regards to our children, this statement does ring true. The more I try to be a 'father' to my step daughter the more I become the typical step father- aloof, firm, and insensitive. Whereas with my 'birth children' a balance of firm and fair seems to come naturally most of the time.
I am realizing that the only way to achieve balance with my step-daughter is through the guidance of my soul mate which is her 'birth-mother'.
Blended family life has many lessons to teach. That "blood is thicker than water" is only one of them.
My parents treat complete strangers better than they treat me for some reason. I am not upset or offended at this truth, just curious and confused. I look at my children and wonder at what point I will consider "cutting my losses" and pulling out my investment in their life. If they do illegal drugs? If they get drunk? If they murder someone? If they get a DUI? If they steal money from me? I do see that these actions might require some different boundaries be set.
Hopefully never, hopefully I never see my time to help them in life has come to an end. Yet, I haven't done these things and my parents have gone silent. This is why I say I am curious.
Is blood thicker than water?
Medical science says "yes". Blood is made up of all kinds of substances: Red blood cells, platelets, white blood cells, plasma, and water.
The colloquial cliche (blood is thicker than water) doesn't seem to ring as true for me, at least not all the time. The cliche: "we hurt those we love the most" seems to be a better fit in many of my life experiences.
Extended family (blood) seems to try to take advantage of each other at every opportunity. I wish I could say that I had only seen this in my family, but in many families, the older prey on the younger, and the stronger family member preys on the weaker, and the concept of family is destroyed by a kind of Civil War.
Many of us wander like wounded weary civil war veterans, searching for peace, trying to find the family we were so proud of in our youth. All that remains of that pretty picture is shattered fragments of an illusion which we once thought was real. We were young and we didn't look too deep into things.
I managed to get far enough away, so as not to be percieved as a threat, so I am able to maintain a shaky, tentative peace with my parents. They call if someone dies, but otherwise they are the North and I am the South, except in my history I rebelled, broke away and became my own country. I wanted to live life differently than their religious zeal would allow. So, I live as a pariah from my parents. They only tolerate me to be able spend time with my daughter, which grates on me.
Perhaps blood is thicker than water overall, even if it doesn't seem to be to them. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I keep allowing communication with the grandkids. So, at least to me blood is thicker than water.
I was raised to be smart, religious, legalistic, and judgemental. I am gracious, accepting, moderate, and intelligent. Obviously, what was done turned out decent.
I guess they are standing by the window waiting for the prodigal to come home, the same way I am,
The colloquial cliche (blood is thicker than water) doesn't seem to ring as true for me, at least not all the time. The cliche: "we hurt those we love the most" seems to be a better fit in many of my life experiences.
Extended family (blood) seems to try to take advantage of each other at every opportunity. I wish I could say that I had only seen this in my family, but in many families, the older prey on the younger, and the stronger family member preys on the weaker, and the concept of family is destroyed by a kind of Civil War.
Many of us wander like wounded weary civil war veterans, searching for peace, trying to find the family we were so proud of in our youth. All that remains of that pretty picture is shattered fragments of an illusion which we once thought was real. We were young and we didn't look too deep into things.
I managed to get far enough away, so as not to be percieved as a threat, so I am able to maintain a shaky, tentative peace with my parents. They call if someone dies, but otherwise they are the North and I am the South, except in my history I rebelled, broke away and became my own country. I wanted to live life differently than their religious zeal would allow. So, I live as a pariah from my parents. They only tolerate me to be able spend time with my daughter, which grates on me.
Perhaps blood is thicker than water overall, even if it doesn't seem to be to them. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I keep allowing communication with the grandkids. So, at least to me blood is thicker than water.
I was raised to be smart, religious, legalistic, and judgemental. I am gracious, accepting, moderate, and intelligent. Obviously, what was done turned out decent.
I guess they are standing by the window waiting for the prodigal to come home, the same way I am,
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