My purpose statement

Transitions

Game-changing, 

genre-bending, 

gut-wrenching, 

nuts-driving, 

pain-bringing; 

Sometimes acknowledged and most times unknown, undercurrents of life.

Condensed lessons that life is life; it isn't fair, nor consistently any other flavor.

Blinking warning lights on the dashboards of our lives'.

Reminders that change is life, growth is life, death stands counter posed.

Life's happiest moments come after.

Transitions: Life

Words or not?

We use words to define our reality.  We use words to express our feelings.  Words communicate 'us'.  The words we choose; communicate more about us than just the message we are intent on sending.  

For instance take the word "fat"; this is an emotionally laden word in our culture. It is loaded up with many negative implied messages.

I have been listening to my words very intently as of late, listening for messages from my subconscious.  These messages might be for me, or for someone who is listening, or for anyone that would listen.

I have been gaining a deep respect for my subconscious self.  It has been spot on with many instincts lately, so I would like to listen to it more.  

So far in my 40 years only one person is better at listening to my subconscious than me: my soulmate.  She has an uncanny knack for it, in fact, I have dissassembled my words and phrases to see where she received the information from, only to find secret messages in and between my words!

It feels like talking to an ancient person when I communicate with my subconscious.  He is not the 'dirty old man' I was always taught to believe; but a better truer me.  I really like my subconscious, he is such a bright and insightful guy!!  So much of who I consider myself to be; flows from this hidden part of me.

The path that isn't taken

There is one way to go,
you can't see it,
It exists to be trod,
lean into it anyway,

Push through the bushes,
through the trees,
The mud won't stop you,
nor the rivers, lakes, mountains,

Traversing distance,
Transitioning daily,
Truly determined,
Taking damage;

You will find it between your stride,
when your mind wanders on the breaks,

You will notice it in your peripheral vision,
Conversations will form and grow,
Paradigms will appear and shift,

Then your eyes will open,
Then you will see...yourself.

Weekly Agony

Wracking pain in every joint,
Chills shake my heat out in waves,
Heart smacks against my ribs,
Breath escapes through clenched teeth;

My stomach flips: growling, then angry.
Neck groans at a head that aches,
Abs radiate a moan to my mouth,
Eyes burn and tear, as if a sadness has destroyed me.

Damn the medicine that brings this pain,
Pain once again my ally,
Pain takes days from me, tearing them away,
Yet yielding years in return.

Here is my curse, measure it,
Here is my pain, feel it,
Here are my blessings, allow them to effervesce around you.
Allow them to embrace you, for they are me.

I am my pain, my curse, but it lets me be your blessing.

The road less traveled

Ahhh, the quiet, shady road less traveled.  Whenever a comparison word is used a comparison should probably be used so here is a road 'more' traveled:

The sidewalk implies "walk here", Whereas the dirt road implies "this way has been walked."  The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost is a source for these thoughts.  The 'road less traveled' concept sings to my trailblazing heart.  

Unchanged country is hard to find in today's world, unless one seeks this inside themselves.

For the better part of my life, I cursed this invisible trail.  I tried walking the paths others did, none of them kept my interest long.  I shuffled and kicked the rocks on this trail, drudging along alone.  The loneliness was a mantle that I felt burdened to wear.  People would walk with me for a little bit, but no one lingered.

Religion didn't ever offer companionship, all the rules led to more isolation because of guilt.  I was convinced that something was different/wrong about me.  I was at least half right.  

I came to a crossroads, and chose to continue on my own path, blazing a trail.  Then I realized that I was made for this trail.  Yes, I was different, my path was my own, but that I didn't have to walk it alone.  I thought I was only one person incapable of only loving others.

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the person I was missing was myself.  I am finding that no one else can understand my path.  Even my soul mate has a different path, that runs parallel some times.  

I have found ways to translate my personal thoughts into words and actions that most other can understand.  They didn't blaze this trail, most people don't blaze any trail they follow mindlessly behind others.  

This road less traveled continues to lead to a deeper understanding of myself.  As one person understands another better by continued interaction, so this trail teaches me about who I really am.  

I would enjoy your company on this path, but it is not for the faint of heart, or those whose chief concern is safety.  You will get to see some stuff you have never dreamed of.  Maybe what you see will help you push through a rough spot in your own trail,  chances are good that you will see things that I could never dream of.

It could be that you feel trapped, lonely, doomed. Look at your crossroads, choose your way, push forward, find a little bit more about your unique path.  There isn't a wrong way, as long as you lean into it.

The Bones of Memory

Gazing out the window,
   at the bleary world;
Cold, icy precipitation
   filtering the light;

Ponder fleeting memories,
  wrestle the bones:
Detail, fact, and feeling,
   on the oldest, scarcely remain.

Kindred are the bones,
   of a lost civilization,
left by holocaust,
   jutting accusing fingers at the sky;

A holocaust of the mind,
   missing essential flesh
from the bones of memory,
   on this devastated plain.

Indispensable bones, though, hold rightful their place,
   pinioning heart, mind, and action,
requisite priorities held in place,
   this varied world of thought comprised of
      some chaos,
      some extinction, and yet...
      exquisite growth!