I am pondering my plight as a transitioning Marine. I am parsing through the myriad identities I have cultivated as if picking a team of 5 from 100 people. Rewarding as it is tedious. There are so many parts of me which are so useful and yet so unacceptable.
I have been weighing the sacrifices I have made for the people of this country. These sacrifices can be mostly measured in the broken hearts of my children, and the broken marriages in my wake. I reel and revel at measuring something so honorable, with people so broken.
Every identity in me wants to be seen, seeks to be known, longs to be understood and counted among the visible parts of 'me'. This world needs all of these parts of me, but wants no part. So I pick each by hand, to cultivate a 'college-friendly' me.
Which me-s do you see? Why, you get to see the very best of me, the me-s that I mostly want you to see. People generally like the quick-witted humorous me, who brings tough subjects and emotions down a few notches with a well-timed joke. People like the helpful me, the me that might just die so that they could live. People don't realize that they like the cool-headed me, that can think and move through in an emergency. People need, but don't quite get the confident me, who is not daunted by taking internal or external problems head on. People misunderstand the genuine me, because I seek to understand my deepest thinking with curiosity. People like but don't trust the generous me, who shares out of a limitless fount of self love and concern.
