Is Blood thicker than water?

Medical science says "yes". Blood is made up of all kinds of substances: Red blood cells, platelets, white blood cells, plasma, and water.

The colloquial cliche (blood is thicker than water) doesn't seem to ring as true for me, at least not all the time. The cliche: "we hurt those we love the most" seems to be a better fit in many of my life experiences.

Extended family (blood) seems to try to take advantage of each other at every opportunity. I wish I could say that I had only seen this in my family, but in many families, the older prey on the younger, and the stronger family member preys on the weaker, and the concept of family is destroyed by a kind of Civil War.

Many of us wander like wounded weary civil war veterans, searching for peace, trying to find the family we were so proud of in our youth. All that remains of that pretty picture is shattered fragments of an illusion which we once thought was real. We were young and we didn't look too deep into things.

I managed to get far enough away, so as not to be percieved as a threat, so I am able to maintain a shaky, tentative peace with my parents. They call if someone dies, but otherwise they are the North and I am the South, except in my history I rebelled, broke away and became my own country. I wanted to live life differently than their religious zeal would allow. So, I live as a pariah from my parents. They only tolerate me to be able spend time with my daughter, which grates on me.

Perhaps blood is thicker than water overall, even if it doesn't seem to be to them. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I keep allowing communication with the grandkids. So, at least to me blood is thicker than water.

I was raised to be smart, religious, legalistic, and judgemental. I am gracious, accepting, moderate, and intelligent. Obviously, what was done turned out decent.

I guess they are standing by the window waiting for the prodigal to come home, the same way I am. Waiting is my last resort, whereas it seems to be their only option.

Back to the original question: In regards to our children, this statement does ring true. The more I try to be a 'father' to my step daughter the more I become the typical step father- aloof, firm, and insensitive. Whereas with my 'birth children' a balance of firm and fair seems to come naturally most of the time.

I am realizing that the only way to achieve balance with my step-daughter is through the guidance of my soul mate which is her 'birth-mother'.

Blended family life has many lessons to teach. That "blood is thicker than water" is only one of them.

My parents treat complete strangers better than they treat me for some reason. I am not upset or offended at this truth, just curious and confused. I look at my children and wonder at what point I will consider "cutting my losses" and pulling out my investment in their life. If they do illegal drugs? If they get drunk? If they murder someone? If they get a DUI? If they steal money from me? I do see that these actions might require some different boundaries be set.

Hopefully never, hopefully I never see my time to help them in life has come to an end. Yet, I haven't done these things and my parents have gone silent. This is why I say I am curious.

Mirage-like illusion

There are days, like today, when I get a glimpse of a different reality. The mirage I am used to flickers for a brief moment and I get to see the ways I have deceived myself.

Let me mention quickly that I do some things well. The problem is that I do a few other things not so well. I have a tendency to sabotage my own success, which results in a below average performance.

My normal response to the feedback of below average performance is to defend my position, hold up my recent accomplishments and validate my feelings on any listening ear I can find.

Today, i realized this. I caught a glimpse for the first time in a while of the insecure, hurting person I am. I don't have any really juicy stories of pain I have caused on others, but I have caused plenty of disappointment.

I feel it is important to allow this view into my true self to bring a kind of pause. I mourn the lost potential, the lost promotions, and the lost time.

My relationships aren't magically protected from this same sabotage. I am just now discovering tactics I use to distance the ones I love the most. I am not sure this is all related to one internal issue. The negative is given too much weight without the mention of the positive as well, so:

In the open, honest relationship with my soulmate, these tactics are identified, discussed, and forgiven. In the relationships with my children I do invest more time than most other people I know. I fervently try to start them off a little better than I was in life, and I feel like I have succeeded to some extent.

I recognize that 'below-average' is above poor and adverse. So, in other words, I am only partially failing in most areas of my life.

Recognizing these grim realities is supposedly the first step to fixing them. I will let you know how this goes.

This new reality I have glimpsed will of course require a paradigm shift of epic proportions, but I have everything to gain, and nothing to lose except failure and mediocrity. I will let you know what I learn as I seek.