Medication

Abigail's psychological testing results came back a few weeks ago. She is more worried and more anxious than 98% of other children her age. Kimberly and I investigate the evidence: Insomnia, self-absorbtion, low self-esteem, passive resistance, consistent unhappiness...Yep, sounds like the testing has 'hit the nail right on the head'.

We look at each other silently gauging the other's thoughts, we unanimously decide without words that we would like to see what medication options are available for Abigail. One might think that this decision was made flippantly, but the conclusion of the testing makes sense based on the plethura of daily experience we have with our troubled little lady, as well as many talks with her teacher, and constant communication with each other.

They suggested a small dose of anti-anxiety medication. We are staunchly opposed to the use of medication of this sort as any kind of solution to the problem. We hope this to be a medium through which Abigail would allow her heart to be examined by the therapist and for tools to be learned so that she is capable of coping with her inner turmoil without the medication.

There is a nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me that this isn't going to work, that therapy and medication aren't going to get anything done. I have to trust her to God's hands, and hope that every step we take in the process is going to push against the dam of hurt inside of the wounded little girl.

Her precious heart is held captive by this hurt, which I am at least partially to blame for. She is the innocent victim of two divorces; two events which will forever be imprinted on her memory. The fighting, the uncertainty, the confusion, the loss, the undeniable shame, and the blame that a child can't help but place back upon herself.

I pray that God can take this curse and somehow, in His way, turn it into a blessing for her.